You'd been to Florida once before, with the show choir for a competition. You had thought it would be warm and golden and full of orange trees, but instead it was hot and humid, with air that dragged at you like fingers pulling at your clothes and big mosquitoes that brought huge red itchy welts up on your pale skin.
You were in Miami, and you all went to the Seaquarium one day and saw the fish and the dolphins and the big killer whale that flopped in her tank and soaked all of you in the front row. You felt sorry for her, because instead of a whole big ocean to swim in she just had that tank, but no one else seemed bothered by it so you didn't say anything.
You don't remember if you won the competition or not, but you remember that you never saw a single orange tree, and that you got sick on the bus coming home.
You remember wishing you could have gone to Disney World.
It had never really bothered you that you weren't all that popular at school, because you fit in fine with your own little group of friends. They were just like you, for the most part, busy with things like choir and band instead of sports and parties. None of you cared if the jocks and the cheerleaders sneered at you, because you knew you were having fun.
When you came to Florida again, you thought it would be sort of like that. A few guys just like you, who liked music and liked to sing. That sounded like a lot of fun.
They weren't anything like you.
You'd been there less than a month, and you hated it. You hated the way they all watched you when you tried to dance, especially hated that a kid two years younger than you could pick up the dance moves as easily as walking across the street. In fact, you thought you might possibly hate Justin, who was the oldest fourteen-year-old you'd ever met. He'd been in show business longer than you'd been in high school, had been on television, and did everything with a careless ease that made you clench your teeth. And he watched you like he couldn't quite figure out how you had gotten there, or why they were letting you stay.
"God, Jayce, look at him. He's the whitest white boy I've ever seen. No rhythm, dude," he'd hissed in a low voice that he probably thought you couldn't hear. Or maybe he just didn't care if you heard, because you figured that Justin didn't really worry about things like offending other people.
JC just shushed him, casting a worried look in your direction. You wanted to like JC, really wanted to like him, because you knew he was the reason you'd gotten into the group in the first place. The audition had been strange and stilted, Chris doing most of the talking, Justin ignoring you and kicking at the legs of his chair, Joey and JC talking to each other in low voices. You had a feeling they'd seen a lot of other guys while looking for a new bass, and that they had liked most of them better than you. Chris was in the middle of a rambling story about performing locally before possibly heading to Europe to try to establish the group when JC abruptly stood up.
"Let's hear him sing," he said, and Chris shut up. You didn't know then that shutting Chris up was a feat of immense proportions, so you weren't as impressed as you should have been. JC pulled out a pitch pipe, just like the one your choir director used, and that did impress you a little. You all sang together, and JC closed his eyes as if he was trying to hear something none of the rest of you could. When he opened them again, he smiled at Chris.
"Yes," he said, and that was it. You were in the group. So you really, really wanted to like JC. Except that he scared the living hell out of you.
If Justin achieved perfection with an easy grace, JC fought tooth and nail for every bit of perfection he could find. He had a vision in his head of what you should all be like, what you should sound like, and he was unrelenting in his drive to achieve it. He didn't push anyone harder than he pushed himself, but that didn't really make it any easier. You tried to remember that smile you'd seen the first day, because you didn't know if you'd ever see it again. Nothing ever seemed to measure up. Especially not you.
Chris had seemed impossibly old when you first met him, a grown-up at 24. It didn't take you long to discover that Chris was the furthest thing from a grown-up you'd ever seen, and you still had no idea what to make of him. He was as flippant as JC was serious most of the time, racing around a five-year-old on a sugar high. But when he got serious, his intensity burned. He would get a look in his eyes that told you he'd seen and done things you could barely imagine, and that he never intended to have to see or do them again. JC wanted to succeed, wanted it really, really badly. Chris needed it.
You hated this, hated it all, and you missed your house and your friends and your school. And you knew all you had to do was tell your mother that, look up at her and say, "I want to go home," and the two of you would go. Back to your home and your friends and your school, in your safe little corner of Mississippi. You wanted to believe it was some reserve of inner strength that kept you there, kept you from saying those five words and getting the hell out of Dodge.
In reality, it had less to do with inner strength, and more to do with Joey.
Joey loved everyone, as far as you could tell. He loved Justin when he was being a diva, and Chris when he was being a brat, and JC when he was being completely impossible. As far as you could tell he even loved you, even though you were shy and awkward and clumsy. He barely knew you, but he always had a warm smile for you.
Joey didn't just love everyone, he wanted everyone to love each other. So he tried to explain to you about the others, as best he could. He told you about how JC had gone to LA with dreams of stardom, and had come home worn and tired, his eyes dim and bleak. That the reason JC insisted on perfection was because he believed deep down the reason he'd failed then was that he hadn't been perfect enough, and he didn't want to make the same mistake again.
He let you know that Chris was trying to find a childhood he'd never really been allowed to have the first time, while at the same time he felt he needed to protect and take care of all you. Chris had always had people to take care of, it seemed, and his biggest fear was that he'd fail you all and somehow you'd be hurt.
He even made you look at Justin with different eyes, Justin, who seemed to have it so easy. After talking with Joey, you watched as Justin's mother badgered him about some small mistake, made him repeat a series of dance steps until they were perfect, and then do it one more time, "just for luck." If you looked hard enough, you could see the way his eyes glazed over when she called him her "little professional," and the way he had to fight not to pull away from her too-tight hugs. He would look guilty for feeling relieved when she left to go back to Tennessee for a few days, saying that "Paul needs me," but he'd also look a little lost. You wondered who Justin was allowed to need.
What amazed you the most about Joey was that he could deal with all of them so well, in all their moods. He would romp with Chris, or work tirelessly on harmonies with JC, or practice choreography with Justin until he dropped, and he'd do it all with a smile on his face. But he'd also tell Chris to sit the hell down when he got out of hand, or tell JC it was time to take a break, or pin Justin to the floor and tickle him until he couldn't breathe. No one ever got mad at him, because he was Joey. And sometimes it seemed as if getting to have him smile at you was the only reason you even made it out of bed every day.
Joey never tried to be the leader of the group, but when he thought it was important enough, he could make everyone listen. One day, when it seemed like you had been in endless rehearsals after endless rehearsals since the beginning of time, he took matters into his own hands.
JC was trying to explain to Chris, who wasn't really listening, and Justin, who was hanging on JC's every word the way the way he always did, that five part harmony was really a misnomer, and it was really four part harmony with a second tenor singing a third above the lead, or something like that, when Joey just interrupted him. Which was bold, because interrupting JC when he was rambling on about music could mean risking life and limb. Or at the very least, risking being on the receiving end of JC's icy glare, something you'd experienced early on, and had no wish to ever, ever repeat.
Joey didn't seem bothered by that, though. "C, I think we've had enough for the day." When JC turned to him, the glare softened slightly, but didn't go away completely. "C'mon, look at them. The kids are exhausted." He gestured vaguely toward you and Justin.
"Yo, I'm not a kid," Justin snapped. You didn't know if he was more insulted at the term, or at being lumped in any category that included you.
Joey ignored him. "Just look at them," he repeated. And JC looked at you, and then at Justin, and then at Chris and Joey in turn, and seemed to take stock of his own inner exhaustion. He looked a little ashamed, as if he realized just how hard he'd been pushing everyone, and he nodded at Joey.
Justin looked dismayed to see JC cave under opposition, but JC just smiled at him. "C'mon. Let's get out of here."
"Where are we going?"
JC smiled at Joey, and slung his arm around Justin's shoulders. "I think it's time to give the kids the grand tour."
You all piled into Chris' car, Chris and Joey in the front, and you, JC and Justin crammed together in the back. You didn't figure out where you were going until you were almost there, and the generic signs for Lake Buena Vista and I-4 started to be replaced by more specific ones.
"Oh my god! Are we going to Disney World?" You were practically bouncing in your seat with excitement, and you were sure you looked like a complete moron, but you didn't care. Disney World!
And wonder of wonders, instead of looking at you with that disdainful contempt you'd become used to, Justin actually grinned at you. "It's cool. You'll like it. Jayce and me, we spent a lot of time there. Back in the day."
Because you were with Justin and JC you got to go in some back entrance that was only for employees -- or "Cast Members", as you were told they were called -- and their guests. "All the ex-mice got lifetime passes to the parks," JC explained. "Or, as we like to call it, 'Uncle Walt's Retirement Plan.'" He winked at you. "Stock options probably woulda made dad happier, but this is more fun."
You decided that, just maybe, JC wasn't so scary after all.
That day was the first time you ever saw Justin actually act younger than Chris. He raced you from one end of the Magic Kingdom to the other, making sure you got to see every single thing. He spun you around on the Teacups until you thought you'd be sick, and whispered to you that if you closed your eyes on Space Mountain, it would be less scary. He and JC recited the entire Jungle Cruise script along with the tour guide, which earned them some dirty looks, and Chris tried to start a conversation with the animatronic people in the Hall of Presidents.
"I love Disney World," Joey whispered to you, his hand on your shoulder as he leaned in, mouth inches from your ear, and you tried not to shiver. "I'm not s'posed to, being a Universal guy, but man. There's just something about this place." You had to agree, and not only because being so close to Joey made your head spin. Then he moved away, running over to Justin and pulling off his baseball hat, which made Justin start shrieking about his hair. Chris and Joey tossed the hat back and forth between them, while Justin yelped for JC to save him, and JC just laughed and laughed. Yes. You definitely loved Disney World, too.
It was December, and the parks were decorated for Christmas, with garlands and lights and wreaths everywhere. When it got dark, JC led you to a bus, which took you to yet another park, this time MGM. There was something he wanted you to see, he said, sounding kind of mysterious in a dorky JC kind of way.
You had seen Christmas lights before, but never this many all in one place. JC babbled on about the Osborne family in Little Rock, Arkansas, and how they had bought the houses on either side of theirs in order to put up more and more lights, until their neighbors took them to court, and won. Then Disney stepped in, offering their backlot to display the lights every year. You mostly tuned him out, just enjoying how everything sparkled and shone.
Justin bought everyone hot chocolate, which seemed a little silly on a 75-degree night, but fit the atmosphere perfectly, and you turned down another street. It looked like old New York, an optical illusion making it stretch on for blocks and blocks, with Christmas lights and carolers and everything.
And then something soft hit your cheek, and you looked up. Snow. Giant machines were pumping out fluffy white foam that smelled like vanilla, making it really look like winter in New York. "Oh!" you exclaimed, reaching out a hand to capture some of it, though it dissolved as soon as it hit your skin.
"I've never seen real snow," you admitted, turning in a circle to try and take it all in.
Justin whooped and hollered, taking off down the street, jumping over curbs and fake fire hydrants. Chris gave chase, and after a second, JC shook his head and followed them, laughing. You were alone with Joey -- or at least, alone with Joey in a huge crowd of people. Somehow you barely noticed them.
The two of you walked along slowly, and Joey talked about how much he missed New York -- his New York, the real one -- at this time of year. "All the decorations everywhere, and there seems to be a Santa on every corner, and the air is just so crisp and cold that you want to take a bite out of it. And it's early enough in the winter that snow is fun and pretty, not a big messy pain in the ass like it will be in January. You'd love New York in December, Lance. I'll have to show it to you sometime." You knew he didn't mean it like you wanted him to, but you filed it away in your heart as if it had been a promise.
You nearly jumped out of your shoes when Joey casually took your hand, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. "This is pretty, though, isn't it?" He took a deep breath. "And it smells good. Like my grandma's baking. New York doesn't smell this good." You didn't trust yourself to speak, so you just nodded.
You walked like that, hand in hand, for about half a block, neither of you saying anything. Your mind was racing, trying to figure out what you should do next. The decision was taken out of your hands when Joey suddenly pulled you into a small alley you hadn't even noticed. He turned so your back was up against the back of one of the façades, an unfinished piece of plywood from this angle. For a heart-stopping second, you thought he was going to kiss you.
"You're gonna be okay, Lance," he said seriously. "I know you've been worried. But don't. You belong. You belong with us. We knew it from the first day."
You had no idea what to say, and all you could do was be honest. "It's hard. I don't wanna bring you guys down. Maybe... maybe it would be better. With someone else."
"No." Joey's answer left no room for argument. "I don't ever want to hear that from you again, okay? We're a group, the five of us, and that's that. So stop thinking like that. Promise me."
It was Joey. How could you deny him anything? "I promise," you said, and if it sounded shaky and unsure, it was enough for him to accept it.
He grinned at you, that special Joey grin that made you feel warm all over. And then he did kiss you, leaning in and fitting his mouth over yours, and you were too shocked to even realize what he was doing at first. By the time you knew it was happening, it was over.
"Merry Christmas, Lance," he said, and there was something in his eyes, something new. Something you'd be thinking about for a long time, trying to decide what it meant. Just now, your mind was whirling too fast to think about much of anything.
Joey squeezed your hand once -- you hadn't even realized he was still holding it -- then stepped back. "I'm gonna go see what the rest of the guys are up to. Enjoy the snow."
You nodded distractedly, your fingers coming up to touch your lips without thinking about it. Then you felt yourself blush bright red, as Joey's eyes dropped down to your mouth. He didn't say anything, though, just grinned again, and walked away.
You shook your head to try to clear it, unable to stop the huge smile that you knew was on your face. You weren't sure what had just happened, but you knew you liked it.
Yeah. You definitely liked Disney World.
You walked back down the street, with all the smiling strangers, looking for your friends. For the people you belonged with. So you could go home, and get up tomorrow for another grueling day of dancing and singing and working until you dropped. Together.
Maybe Florida wasn't so bad after all.
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Author's Note: This was my first (attempt at a) SeSa story ever, back in 2001. I ended up trashing it and writing something else, but I always intended to come back and finish this. Just took me rather a while to get around to it! Thanks to my tireless betas... Alicia and Sarah and Nikki, and everyone else who listened to me endlessly babble about this story (and all the others, too!)